by Alberta Parish
It is not enough to claim you are the head of the woman and head of the household. You must practice what you preach, and be accountable for your actions. Calling your wife out of her name and slapping her around is not helping to create a peaceful household. Neither does it bring couples closer to each other. Unfortunately, financial issues are at the core of the problems in many families. What if a woman has a husband that refuses to work and provide for his family, controlling and abusive to her? Divorce is certainly an option when it comes to leaving an abusive marriage, but lack of finances also prevents some women from divorcing.
Today, people have no problem getting divorced due to irreconcilable differences, which often doesn’t amount to any abusive behavior. They just can’t get along, and much of that is due to financial problems. Many have been married multiple times. But Christ said that “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Accordingly, many men have put away the wife of their youth, and married a younger woman . . . maybe half their age. But the Lord does not approve of those who treat the wife of their youth treacherously. As it is written in Malachi 2:14: “. . . Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.” This country is rife with marriage and divorce laws. In fact, marriage and divorce is big business, generating billions of dollars in revenue for the states and corporate entities.
There are many people who have control issues, which can be the prerequisite for a potentially abusive person. A man who has real confidence in himself doesn’t feel the need to control women. But someone who feels powerless at his place of employment, in his family, or as a man is usually the one who always want to dominate women. There are many personalities that are very domineering. When you do not allow these individuals to dominate you, it usually becomes a problem in the relationship. Many also expect others to conform to them in all things. Whenever you give voice to a problem about how they treat you, they want to play the blame game or play the victim. Some love to blame the black woman for the demise of the black community, and the erosion of the black family. Some continue blaming all black women for all their problems, which stem from mental and emotional issues they have carried since childhood.
Mental illness in the black community is a topic not often addressed in many black churches, in predominantly African American organizations, or by state legislators. It is the big elephant in the room that is not acknowledged as a societal crisis. Society’s solution for the mentally insane is to incarcerate them, and let the prison industry deal with it. Just as you cannot afford to become physically ill, you cannot afford to be mentally ill either.
YouTube should recognize that there are certain channels that need to be permanently shut down due to hateful content against any protected class. This means any page promoting animosity, abusive language, bullying, and hate speech against a particular group should be deleted. Creating videos to denigrate black women, because you hate your own mother doesn’t erase the pain that is in your heart. Neither does it erase the hatred and unforgiveness that are slowly destroying you and all your relationships with black women.
No woman wants to be involved with a man full of rage, and has the potential for violence due to the unresolved issues he has going all the way back to his childhood. One definitely does not need to be involved with a man who is psychologically damaged, and refuses to acknowledge it. Some people can handle their emotional issues better than others. Some may need counseling to resolve similar issues. I do not think psychosomatic drugs are the answer to solving mental illness. I believe one should put their faith in Christ for the mental and emotional traumas they have experienced, which continues to destroy all their relationships.
Until you publicly or privately acknowledge and confess that you have problems, and stop playing the blame game or playing the victim, you will never have peace in your life. You will always be miserable, and will always find fault in all black women including your black mother. Look at the fault in yourself. What have you done to cause the problems that you consistently complain about? Having multiple babies with black women and then crying about having to pay child support is a problem you created for yourself. If you cannot afford children, don’t have them. Otherwise, be prepared for the consequences that come along with having multiple children. Many create these huge messes in their lives, and blame others for their own weaknesses and lack of discipline. Take responsibility for your own actions, and stop blaming all black women including your black mother for your current predicaments. Have you confessed Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior today?
bullet columnist Alberta Parish is best known as a take-no-prisoners commentator, and author of “The Evil Within Him.”