Children Give you what you Expect so what are You Expecting from Them?

by Rose Wilder

Consistency, Compassion and Confidence are essential traits in raising a strong man. We let our boys rough house and hit but teach our girls to have manners and sit properly. From an early age we inadvertently teach our sons to be tough, competitive and catered to. Our daughters are brought up to be strong, independent and capable without a man.

So why do our sons choose gangs and our daughters choose thugs? To belong, be approved of and have a sense of pride.They try to find a place to fit in and somebody to trust in. They also want to be connected to people that believe in them. If we teach our sons to respect their mothers, love their sisters and encourage their brothers , then they have a better chance of choosing friends that will keep them on the right path.

If we teach our sons that their power is not in their game or their fists but in the words that they speak, then maybe they would actually think before they say a word. We can’t expect our boys to become positive, successful men when most of what they see and cling to is the glamorous life of drug dealers and rap artists displayed in Hollywood. Our young men need to find their own place in a world that constantly beats them down. They need guidance and approval from their parents or caregivers in all aspects of their life so when they step out into the real world, they are not mesmerized by the quick money schemes or sweet talking swindlers.

What you believe and value will be instilled in your children without any effort from you because they will watch what you do and how you react to the situations in your life. If you lost your keys in the morning before leaving the house and you slammed doors, cussing all through the house, don’t expect your children to control their anger when circumstances change We as parents have an opportunity to change the atmosphere by raising confident children who do not compromise their values. If you were abused, mistreated or rejected, break the chains of bondage and create a new circle that embraces love, confidence, perseverance and hope.

If children are taught early to see themselves as an important piece of society that can’t be replaced, they will continue to hold onto their morals even when we as parents are not present. Parents also need to take responsibility for their actions so that children can learn to take responsibility for their own actions. Of course we all make mistakes and sometimes the choices we make lead to dire consequences but a parent that was and is available will have more of an effect their child’s outlook on life than an out of touch parent.

Take time to listen to your children so when the time comes they will be willing to listen to you. Set your boundaries and keep them set, children are more confident and independent if they know what the rules are. As a parent I set aside time for my children just to have fun and be with them, so when they are hurting they don’t have to look outside for comfort. The way you handle life is the way your children will handle life. Children give you what you expect so what are you expecting from them?

Rose Wilder is the bullet’s newest columnist, she is a Child Advocate with 20 years of experience. Follow her on Twitter and facebook

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1 Comment on "Children Give you what you Expect so what are You Expecting from Them?"

  1. “Our young men need to find their own place in a world that constantly beats them down.”

    “We as parents have an opportunity to change the atmosphere by raising confident children who do not compromise their values.”

    Two of the most accurate and underrated facts of raising strong black men in America!!

    Parents, don't hold your head down when you see your child doing something wrong. Hold your head up and look them directly in the eye and let them know that what they are doing is wrong. Make sure that they hear you!! Kids do listen, so make sure you are saying the right things! Parents please pay attention because your children are, and they're living what they're learning!!!

    Very well said Ms. Wilder

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