by Alberta Parish
There are individuals that exist in all our lives that sometimes we would rather not have to face on a regular basis. But due to our obligations, we have no choice but to deal with them. Individuals who are generally mess makers and love strife can be some of the most hateful, unforgiving, and difficult persons to deal with. And they’re not going anywhere because they are a part of our human experience. Even the most sweetest and non-confrontational persons who can generally get along with anyone may have very difficult times dealing with persons of this nature who often got emotional or mental issues stemming from childhood. We are products of our environment. Whatever environment you were exposed to helped shape the person you are today. If a person grew up in a household or around family members who love to fight all the time about everything, he or she is most likely always fighting somebody or involved in a contentious relationship. The only way a lot of people who grew up in violent environments know how to solve their problems is through violence and physical threats.
Have you ever been around a person who is always describing how he or she is going to whip somebody’s tail? I tend to stay far away from violent persons. Therefore, I do not hang out or form personal relationships with violent persons. Usually, someone who is so quick to want to whip somebody’s tail all the time got emotional problems. Nobody becomes this way over night. They were usually either physically abused as children, or they were bullied by their peers as children. We all know people that we would rather not have to deal with on a regular basis.
People who have treacherous personalities and who love contention are probably some of the most miserable persons you’ll ever meet. They are also attention seekers as they always have some kind of unwritten beef with people who have done absolutely nothing to them. I notice how a lot of black women have an unwritten beef with other black women. It is the same as black men who sit around like women gossiping all day long, and running their contentious lips about other black men that they do not know. Neither have they taken the time to get to know the objects of their intense gossip. Due to the history of black people in the United States, many black people’s psychological and emotional problems go much deeper than the unwritten beefs that many black people have with other black people they don’t even know. The current emotional and psychological struggles of a lot of black people living in this country could have a direct link to the sins of our forefathers and their forefathers before them. The actions of one generation have a direct impact upon the next generation.
It can be very difficult to deal with individuals who have mental and/or emotional problems to the point where they’re always causing problems in your life or they’re causing you harm. All harm is not physical harm. There is also psychological and verbal harm. Constantly gossiping about a person causes harm to a person’s reputation. Slandering a person’s character causes a lot of problems in a person’s life. If you are in a setting in which you have to deal with these kinds of individuals on a regular basis, you have either one of two choices. You can remove yourself from them, or you have to face them. A lot of people don’t like to hear the truth. There are people who cannot exist without having to cause a lot of problems for somebody else—usually the object of their disdain. They either did not get enough attention as children or they are very unhappy people. I see a lot of unhappy people each and every day. On the surface, they appear to be very successful individuals. But they’re miserable, and they are without real peace in their lives. Therefore, they will always have an unwritten beef with someone. It could be anyone with whom they have a beef and who has done nothing to them. You will always notice how these individuals are gossiping, and slandering the person with whom they have an unwritten beef. These are really the actions of individuals who obviously have some emotional and/or psychological issue that has gone unchecked for a very long time. The people they surround themselves with are often just like them, or they are complicit in their behavior. There will always be followers who see bad behavior in their friends, associates or family members, but will never say anything to correct them. Instead, they continue to condone their negative behavior or attitude toward others. This is like kids who see other kids getting bullied at school. Instead of stopping kids from bullying other kids, they’re complicit in the bully’s behavior. If you are complicit in bad behavior even when you are not the individual who is causing direct harm, you are still considered an accomplice to the violence being perpetuated. This is also what you call the mob mentality.
Many people have lost their lives, because they were followers of other people. Derrion Albert lost his life because he was minding his own business.
Notice how each time a riot breaks out in a city, huge crowds will form to engage in unlawful activities. Then, there are the followers among the crowd who are there engaging in unlawful activities just because others are doing it. Many people have lost their lives, because they were followers of other people. This mentality is very pervasive among school kids, crowds at any event, or in any other setting. If there is one person in a group that another person in that same group does not like, pretty soon other persons in the group will join with the person who initially didn’t like that one person in the group. If you look for fault in a person, you will always find it. It is very easy to find something bad about someone especially if you already didn’t like that person to begin with. Can you look beyond the bad stuff sometimes, and learn to see something good in a person? Furthermore, can you have a real dialogue with the individual you vehemently dislike, and see their truth and what made them who they are today? Can you be part of the solution instead of continuing to condone bad behavior that you see coming from your friends or associates? Usually, our natural reaction as human beings is to stay away from people that we know will cause us harm. But if an individual is not causing you any harm or has done nothing to you, what is your justification for disliking that individual? Snakish people exist in all our lives, and it is best to part ways before you end up getting stung by the venomous poison that treacherous people use to destroy their enemies. But make sure you are not a snakish person yourself while you also cast judgment on others for being treacherous. Make sure you are not a bully yourself. Most people who have constant unwritten beefs with individuals that have done nothing to them are usually always threatening people with physical harm. They’re always causing problems for anyone who is the object of their disdain. These people are usually very successful, but they’re extremely unhappy. And they project their unhappiness onto someone whom they do not like. People like this are usually very controlling of others, and they always feel like they have to have the upper hand in any situation.
There are many bullies in the world, many of whom are adults. Even if you come in a three-piece suit or serve on the deacon board at church, if you are constantly making an effort to cause problems or harm for someone with whom you have an unwritten beef, that makes you are a bully. If you’re constantly uttering threats of physical violence against people you don’t even know, you are a bully. A lot of black women are always threatening to whip somebody’s tail if they do something to them. Stop saying that! Some people take threats very seriously, and you could end up going to jail for a terroristic threat or worse.
Many adult bullies have children who are bullies. After all, you are the company you keep. Many children are victims of bullying, and many of them also end up becoming adult bullies when it fact they should never want to take anybody else through what they’ve been through. You don’t have to lay a finger on another person to qualify as a bully. Bullying is often perpetuated through intimidation, constantly making someone look bad in front of other people in the workplace or home, ostracizing an individual in a group setting, constantly gossiping about an individual to others in a group setting, causing emotional or mental anguish to another person in a group setting, and threats of physical violence. You have to be careful how you treat people when you have no real justification for disliking them. Stop acting like you’re better than someone else just because you may have a little status in this society. Unless you are Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, we’re all one or two or maybe three paychecks away from losing everything. This means losing your business, your car(s), your house(s), and sometimes your wife especially when she didn’t really marry you for love, but only for your money. The same people you are so quick to turn up your nose at are the same people you may need.
I notice how a lot of highly successful black people are so quick to think themselves better than other black people or turn up their nose at other black people, even those from other nationalities. Many black people are so quick to claim that Haitians, Jamaicans, and Africans are crazy. But what about many crazy American black people that non-confrontational, happy, and healthy people can’t even deal with on a regular basis because of the underlying emotional and mental problems for which many have not even gotten a proper diagnosis. Mental illness in America is a huge crisis that the government cannot even monetarily handle. Therefore, society’s current solution when dealing with emotionally and mentally challenged individuals is by locking them up in prisons all over this country. There are millions of people sitting in American prisons, most of which have been traumatized as children. Over 90% of prison inmates have been victims of violence as children and teenagers. Many were sexually, physically, and psychologically abused as children. This include both men and women inmates.
People who are generally happy with themselves or just plain happy about life can get along with almost anybody. These kinds of individuals don’t purposely start trouble with people. They are usually peaceful people, and want to get along with everybody. Sometimes, people are usually doing things to hurt individuals who prefer to be at peace with everybody. When you encounter someone who always seems to have an unwritten beef with someone that they do not even know, and neither have taken the time to have a real conversation with the object of their disdain; you can almost be certain that someone or individuals in their past have caused great harm to them. As a result, they are still dealing with the pain that has been inflicted upon them. Maybe you look like someone from their past who has hurt them. Maybe you unwittingly remind them of the pain that they went through when dealing with an abusive parent. When they see you, they may see the person who hurt them although you don’t have any knowledge about what happened to them earlier in their life.
There are people in this world who also don’t like a good person. There are surely individuals who enjoy taking people’s kindness and generosity for weakness. But you have to be careful about how you treat people especially good people. If you can’t help someone, leave him or her alone. You also need to ask yourself why you don’t like a person who has done nothing to you. Why do you cause problems for someone who has done nothing to you? Ask yourself, what has this person done to me for me to dislike him? Do you have any justification for disliking him? Describe in detail what this person has ever done to you personally in order for you to dislike him. It is not normal to dislike someone who has done you no harm. Recognize your emotional issues, and deal with them effectively. If you do not deal with your problems, your problems will end up controlling you and affecting everything around you.
bullet columnist Alberta Parish is best known as a take-no-prisoners commentator, and author of “The Evil Within Him.”